Awkward 

I have always had an awkwardness when it comes to personal relationships. Even down to giving my Mother a hug feels awkward, like i don’t know how to properly be affectionate. There are only 2 people that it feels natural with and that is my wife and my son. It is hard for me to […]

Alone

With the exception of my wife and my son I feel very alone. Sometimes I feel completely alone. The relationship with my mother has dwindled, my family on my dad’s side has basically forgotten about me, with the exception of a few that think I might give them some money. I am OK with dealing […]

It’s coming

In less than 2 weeks will be 1 year since my father passed away. I am unsure how I am going to feel, whether maybe some of my anger will subside, I know I can’t go through life with the anger that I still harbor towards him. I am lucky that on that day, it […]

Sunday

Sunday’s I usually do a lot of reflection, which is good and bad, I finally have a few minutes by myself after traveling all morning, its always good to be home in my familiar place, my recliner with my wife’s dog on my lap having a cup of coffee… I love to have my family […]

Adventures

This evening I am going to meet my family on vacation, I have extreme anxiety with travel, but I have learned to deal with it and have gotten somewhat better. I used to freak out starting about a week before I would go somewhere, make sure the weather was going to be OK, check roads, […]

Distraction

The reminders are everywhere, they are at home, at work my car, my son’s face and actions. I hope my anger won’t last forever, but sometimes I just want to throw everything out in the street. My office is basically a shrine to him, his collections and belongings are all here, at home his clothes […]

Dwelling

When life is busy all you want is a little bit of time to yourself, but when it happens it seems to be the total different for me now. Growing up that’s all you wanted was some time to yourself, time away from your parent’s so that maybe for once you wouldn’t be in trouble […]