Struggle

It’s odd as mad as I still am with my father that I miss him. I wait for my work phone to ring and he is being nosy trying to see what I am working on, and phone calls in the evening to see what my son is doing. Of course, most of those calls he would never remember because of his disease. I sometimes wonder how much of me he really remembered and how well he actually knew me? I like to think I am a decent human being, I care about people and try to do my best for the people in my life.

Like most kids, I was far from perfect, but I never caused my parent’s problems. I stayed out of trouble, got OK grades, graduated from high school, graduated from West Virginia University and have managed to stay employed in good graces for almost 15 years now. I think I am good at what I do, my fault is I am in the same industry that my father was in, and we share the same name, so the comparison comes up daily. In fact, my office has become a shrine to my dad and his accomplishments as I have most of his artifacts and collections he’s had throughout the years here with me. I couldn’t bare to see these things go somewhere other than with me to be honest, but sometimes it is a hard reminder of things that came before my mother and I.

I hope the fact that my upbringing has made me a better father, I certainly try my best. I coach t-ball and soccer, we do homework together in the evenings and I sit and try to teach him about things. I am blessed with a wife who had her difficulties growing up so we have realized where our focus in life should be! Our child and our marriage! I feel bad for her a lot of times, because I do have some anxiety which for a long time had a pretty strong grip on me, but I hope that in the past few years it has lightened up, there were times where I didn’t want to leave my home or my comfort zones, but I try for the both of them to go and do things with them outside of my comfort zone. What types of anxiety do others suffer from that had our type of upbringing?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s