Energy

Up until my son was born I struggled to find something to focus my energy on, I can honestly say that he has helped me with my anxiety and troubles. Sure, I worry about his well being every single day, but his smile and laughter makes that all go away and there is nothing in this world i wouldn’t do for him. He is fully of happiness and innocence and there is no way in the world I would ever take these thing from him!

This is one of the things that bother’s me so much, why did I deserve to have my innocence taken at such a young age? Is it something I did? Is it something that happened to my father? To me, he had a good childhood, my grandfather is one of the best men i’ve ever had the honor to know. He worked hard for his family, he had them in church, to me he did everything a man could do to provide for his family. Like all human’s he had his demons, but he was able to overcome each and every one of them.

I didn’t get to grow up a child, i grew up an adult, I wasn’t allowed to have many friends, most of my time was spent around his adult friends, which is maybe why i have a hard time to this day relating to people my own age, even at work I relate to the older guys more than the younger. I am thankful I have a younger/energetic/loving wife who keeps me young. 🙂 She has a smile that will make any day better, which thankfully my son has that same smile!

Before our son was born my wife used to jump on me alittle about my anxiety that I didn’t want to go anywhere, I have tried the past few years to get over these fears that I am full of and live my life. I sometimes have problems with big crowds and will talk myself out of things, but I am working on it. I try to put the enjoyment of my family first, we are going to 3 MLB games in the next few days and I am about as excited as I’ve ever been to get there and spend this time with my family. Before my son was born I probably would have come up with an excuse to stay home, but no more… I am going to live my life, I am going to spend time with my family and do things that make us all happy. Sadly, I am going to do these things out of spite, I tend to do things that my father wouldn’t have done with me, I am coaching t-ball, i have coached soccer, I take my son with me all the time on just Dad-Son outings which would have never happened with me, or if they were it was something for him, never me. So until next time….

Let’s gooo Reds 🙂

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