Distraction

The reminders are everywhere, they are at home, at work my car, my son’s face and actions. I hope my anger won’t last forever, but sometimes I just want to throw everything out in the street. My office is basically a shrine to him, his collections and belongings are all here, at home his clothes his pictures, I can’t bear to give them away but at the same time I want them gone. What do you do? I don’t want to do something I will regret in time when maybe my anger will subside. Recently I have been able to let more things go, which i hope is a sign of healing.

Unfortunately, I am in the same profession that my father was in, and he was very good at what he did so I am constantly being compared. We also have the same name which doesn’t help. I still when meeting people I haven’t seen for a while get the question “How’s your dad doing?” its nobody’s fault that they didn’t know, when he retired he basically fell off the earth, sat in his house, started drinking at 6AM and didn’t stop till he went to bed. I will never understand the appeal of  drinking alcohol from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed.

“Although classified as a depressant, the amount of alcohol consumed determines the type of effect. Most people drink for the stimulant effect, such as a beer or glass of wine taken to “loosen up.” But if a person consumes more than the body can handle, they then experience alcohol’s depressant effect.”

My mother and I have definitely seen the depressant effects alcohol has on a person, he was such a strong independent person, and it turned him into a helpless child in many ways. He couldn’t function, and basically the last year couldn’t drive anywhere without my mother having to drive him. I have anxiety but the anxiety that he developed by far surpassed anything that I have. He basically didn’t function the last few years of his life, he lost his independence and dignity that he took as a source of pride.

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