This evening I am going to meet my family on vacation, I have extreme anxiety with travel, but I have learned to deal with it and have gotten somewhat better. I used to freak out starting about a week before I would go somewhere, make sure the weather was going to be OK, check roads, directions, crime. I would even go into google earth street view to learn my way around a city before I would even go. I still like to plan, I keep a folder of documents for every trip (which my wife makes fun of), but I like to be prepared and make sure i don’t forget anything. I leave at 5:30 this evening and will arrive at 7:30, Party Cloudy conditions here in the 70’s and around 80 when I land in Florida. My mind always plans for the worst conditions I guess I always want an emergency plan.
Since the birth of my son I did have to ask for some help because my anxiety had become too much, I was very reluctant I tried natural methods (herbs/teas) with no success and finally talked to my family doctor and got on a small dose of Celexa which worked well and I’ve had it increased a few times as my anxiety increased. I don’t like the fact that I am dependent on anything, but I have learned to cope with the fact that I needed some help. I have read my groups on Facebook that are ACOA/Anxiety type groups and many people on there are like me that they don’t want to be dependent on anything, especially after watching someone our entire lives being dependent on drugs or alcohol, but I learned to accept this was a different dependency in my own mind, because instead of hurting my family, it was actually helping them. I don’t want my son to have the same type of anxiety I have, believe me I have enough for the both of us, his fearlessness drives me insane, but at the same time I wouldn’t want it any other way. I want him to make his own mistakes, decide on his own what he likes and dislikes. He will know throughout it all that his mother and I support him in whatever he chooses. I know there is a long road ahead of us since he is only 5, but as stubborn as I am, this is the path I will stay on! 🙂
So wish my luck the next few days as I join my family and try to enjoy some Spring Break with my wife and son.