I have always had an awkwardness when it comes to personal relationships. Even down to giving my Mother a hug feels awkward, like i don’t know how to properly be affectionate. There are only 2 people that it feels natural with and that is my wife and my son. It is hard for me to hug or express emotion to anyone, when i try to hug someone I guess I kind of panic, don’t really know if its nervousness or what… I care about people so I know that isn’t the case, I would do anything I could do to help you, until you have broken my trust that is.
I am particularly worried about next Saturday, as I have previously written that I will be the 1 year Anniversary of my father passing away. I plan on getting my tball team pizza after our game because I know their smiling faces will be good healing for me, I know I will be more appreciative of them than I could ever imagine, how do I express this to a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds? I’d love nothing more than to give them all a huge hug and thank them, but at the same time i don’t want to be emotional, I don’t like for people to see me vulnerable and I don’t want to freak out their parent’s. But my kids have meant a lot to me the past 2 seasons of tball and 1 season of soccer. The innocence of children truly is a blessing. I am pitching to my tballers and I make them all smile before I pitch to them… I have one kid who played in another league last year, he didn’t want to play this year because the coach’s weren’t that nice to him. He is a great kid, plays really well, I am thankful that he told his mother that He liked playing for us because we were fun and he was having fun playing, that really made me feel good that we were at least doing something right.
I know there is no cure for my awkwardness, but I am trying….